中英文对照搞笑短文

macxiang

对不起，这次我买厕纸A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the check out counter. The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of older people buy cat food to eat, and the government requires proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."
The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store, and they sold her the cat food.
The next day, she tried to buy three cans of dog food. Again the cashier demanded proof that she had a dog, because older people sometimes eat dog food.
She went home and brought in her dog, and they sold her dog food.
The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid, and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole but the cashier refused, saying "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like shit." The little old lady said, "It is. Now can I buy three rolls of toilet paper?"
　　一个小老太太去一家杂货铺买猫食，她拿了三罐去交钱。
　　收银台小姐：“如果你不能证明你有一只猫，我们就不能卖给你猫粮。”因为很多老人买猫食自己吃，所以政府要求买猫粮的人必须证明猫粮是买给猫吃的。
　　老太太只好回家去把自己的猫抱来，售货员这才把猫食卖给她。
　　第二天，老太太又想买三罐狗粮，结果收银台小姐又提出了同样的要求，因为老年人有时也吃狗粮。

　　她只好又回家去把自己的狗抱来。他们把狗粮卖给了她。

　　第三天，老太太抱了个盒子来，盒子的盖子上有个洞。她让收银员伸手进去摸，可收银员拒绝了，说：“不，你可能放了一条蛇在里面”。老太太保证里面没有对她有害的东西。收银员把手伸进去，摸了下伸出来，喊到：“它闻起来象大便”。老太太说：“没错，因为我今天要买三卷厕纸 。”

搞笑短信谁看了我的短信Not every flower symbolize for love, but rose can do it; not every tree can stand thirst, but alamo can do it, not every pig can read short message, but you can do it. Congratulations!
　　不是每一朵花都能代表爱情，但是玫瑰做到了；不是每一种树都能耐住干渴，但是白杨做到了；不是每一头猪都能看短消息，但是你做到了。恭喜你！

蝙蝠的问题Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything----noise, spray, cats----nothing seems to scare them away."
　　Another said, "Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated, and they still won’t go away.""
　　The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church...haven’t seen one back since!"

　　三个南部的牧师在一家小餐馆里吃午饭。其中的一个说道：“你们知道吗，自从夏天来临，我的教堂的阁楼和顶楼就被蝙蝠骚扰，我用尽了一切办法----噪音、喷雾、猫----似乎什么都不能把它们赶走。”
　　另外一位说：“是啊，我也是。在我的钟楼和阁楼也有好几百只。我曾经请人把整个地方用烟熏消毒一遍，它们还是赶不走。”
　　第三个牧师说：“我为我那里的所有蝙蝠洗礼，让它们成为教会的一员......从此一只也没有再回来过。”


Two Birds

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates

were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then

hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

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[ 本帖最后由 macxiang 于 2015-6-18 16:41 编辑 ]