搞笑英语双语集

Eiland

TOM'S EXCUSE  
Teacher: Tom, why are you late for school every day?  Tom: Every time I come to the corner, a sign says, "School-Go  Slow".  
汤姆的借口  
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？  
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"  DID YOUR DAD...  
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"  and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"  汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"  吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"  
附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.  
Tom call Jim's name:"I can't bear such a foolish!"  and Jim say:"You mother could (bear)!"  汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"  吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"  

附:bear 有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.  

A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"  
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."  

Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”  “Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”  一盒小火柴  
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”  
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”  

Father:Uh,oh,I think I just made an illegal right-hand turn.  
Susie:That is okay ,dad,the policeman behind you just did the same thing!  
开车  
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。  
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。  

Little Robert asked his mother for tow cents.”What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”  
“I gave it to a poor old woman,”he answered.  
“You’er a good boy,”said the mother proudly.”Here are tow cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?”  
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
好孩子  
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。  “昨天给你的钱干什么了？”  
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说. “再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”  “她是个卖糖果的。”  

Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked,”What happened?”  “A kid bit me,”replied Ivan.  
“Would you recognize him if you sew him again?”asked his mother.  “I’d know him any where,”said Ivan.”I have his ear in my pocket.”  
他的耳朵在我的衣兜里  
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”  “一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。  “再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。  
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”  

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?  
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.  Teacher: Please tell us.  
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
两只鸟  
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？  学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。  老师：请说说看。  
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。  

“I'm sorry ，Madam ，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .”  
“Twenty d ollars! Why ，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”  
“Yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .”  

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。”  “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”  
“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。  

Jim’s History Examination  
Uncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?  
Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked him  things that happened before the poor boy was born.  
吉姆的历史考试  
舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？  
母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个  
可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。

The New Teacher  
George comes from school on the first of September.  
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.  
"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."  
新老师  
9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。  
"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。  
"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"  The Fish Net  
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"  
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.  鱼网  
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。  "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。


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